I awoke this morning tired. A little stressed. A little like an absentminded Santa (listless :D).
Normally I am a total “morning puppy”–bouncing out of bed, eager for coffee and potential. Today I am wandering and out of spirits.
I could feel the spiritual attack coming, that sort of whisper that takes a mediocre day and makes it a navel staring fest complete with inner turmoil and nonsense.
It was at that moment that I had to actually and deliberately choose my path. Choose to love people or choose to get weary with humanity. Choose to love God and trust Him completely or choose to fret and doubt. Choose to walk in purpose, even if my step isn’t peppy or choose to dwell on my (very many) shortcomings and failures and wonder what is the use of it all.
Choose life? Choose health? Choose rest? Choose gentleness to myself and others? Choose a bite of chocolate zucchini bread (because chocolate is medicinal 😉 ), but not eat the whole thing?
Two thoughts then emerged. (well, maybe three. Hmmm… ok how about I just start listing and we will see how it goes :))
1) This is lack of rest and a bit of stress. The foundation of the world did not change. I needn’t get wrapped around the axle.
2) I think these days can actually be worse to handle than days where the power goes out, the car breaks down, etc, because those are actionable items–you can do something. I think sometimes these “sort of off” days masque themselves as “something is really wrong because nothing horrible is wrong but I sense/feel that something is wrong so it must be something deeply wrong”. It’s kind of ridiculous. But those of us who are eager to fight our battles often struggle with the light scent of smoke in the air because we cannot see a fire to go fight.
3) Having made a list of what my life and purpose is is a Godsend today**. I just need to follow my list. Put my foot in the next step. Do one good thing. Make one good choice. Say one good prayer. Then another. Then another. Soon my day is spent in purpose, prayer, and love.
4) This is a good time to realize what is noise and nonsense because I am too tired to blow it off. If something is noise and nonsense, it will create a worse sense of hopelessness then…AHA! I have found a trip mine of the enemy of my soul and can refocus on things that are useful in my time, not wasters of it.
5) To praise and worship the Lord in these moments is purer than praise and worship when everything is just ducky. This is faith, not sight. This is trust.
6) Walking carefully, placing each foot and thought deliberately, is key on these days to keep myself from self-centeredness and to be a blessing (or at least not a burden 😀 ) to those around me 🙂
7) That the Lord is loving and wonderful in these days and moments and if I just listen, He will pour into my heart and mind and body and spirit what I need. To be still with Him is the best idea.
**After much prayer and contemplation, study and inquiry, I made a list of how the Lord made me and what He has put before me and how I want my life in Him to look within the bounds of what He has set around me. It is awesome and a great help in times like these 🙂