Tag Archives: gossip

Dear Vanessa ~ Getting caught up in gossip



Dear Vanessa,

I am struggling recently with coffee-room gossip. I want so badly to be an example to my coworkers by not “joining in” on talking about others but I find it so hard. My question for you is what is the right way to deal with personality frustrations without gossiping and remaining a good Christian example in the work place?



Dearest Lexi,

This is something many struggle with, you are not alone.   Most of us have either been a victim or participant at some point in our lives.

Also, you need to give yourself some credit as you have identified you want to be part of the solution rather the problem - this is one step ahead!

The bible speaks clearly to gossip, lies, and whispering:

Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

A whisperer separates close friends.   Talking about others when they are not around or cannot hear will cause strife in a relationship.

Proverbs 11:13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

He who is trustworthy in the spirit keeps a thing covered; meaning one does not reveal secrets.

Proverbs 26:20-22 For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.

Adding wood to a fire; the more one gossips the bigger the problem gets.

Psalms 41:7 All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me.

When gossiping about an individual, assumptions are made.  One should never assume.

You obviously have guilt about being part of this, and are frustrated with the way people are behaving.  It is important that we do not judge, but in all things try our best to lead by example.   This is key in curbing this kind of behavior.   Jesus lead by example and we are to follow that example in all that we do.  This can be difficult at times, we stumble, but God forgives – He loves us and wants to pick us up.

Philippians 4:9  What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 3:17  Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.

I have struggled with this myself at times, especially when beginning a new job or joining a new group of people.   But integrity is core to my value system, and honesty….   In these circumstances, I have assessed the group and if the individuals are open to my opinion, I will be honest with them about the behavior.  I have also tried to provide a different perspective – opposite to theirs.

For instance, let me give you an example, one of my friends says, “Look at Sally, the clothes she wears are so dated, and her hair….”  I would then respond and say, “What if Sally doesn’t have the money to adjust her wardrobe or hair?  What if her money goes to charity instead of the clothing she wears?  We do not know her circumstance so should not judge.”

God does not want us to conform to this behavior; He wants us to rise above.  Rise above and lead by example.

While this works for me, it may not work for you or others that are uncomfortable with challenging the perception.  I have a few other suggestions that may help:

  • Remove yourself from the group that is gossiping. 
  • Adjust the topic to something else.
  • If you have been a victim of this behavior in the past, provide your perspective to the group that is gossiping on how you felt about the situation.
  • Finally, and most importantly, if you have fallen into this habit or are finding difficulty with the situation, pray and ask God for guidance.  He will direct your paths.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Lexi, we lead through our actions.  It is so amazing when we take a leap of faith and step out of our comfort zone.  It has ripple effects, like a drop in the water.  

Dear Lord God,

I ask that Your voice is what others hear when engaging in conversation.  I ask that You lead individuals down the right path when interacting with others.  I pray that you give individuals like Lexi the strength to rise above.  We know that through our actions others will follow, I pray that our actions exemplify You in all things.  I pray for this in Jesus’ Name Amen.

Blessings to you beautiful lady,


If you have a question for Vanessa please email her at [email protected]

You can also visit her personal blog page at www.nesschesters.wordpress.com

A Spirit of Accusation


“And they watched him, whether he would heal him on the Sabbath day; that they might accuse him.” Mark 3:2

The spirit of accusation is probably the most prevalent spirit that bothers us, and probably the hardest to identify. We feel justified in our accusations because we see them to be true, and therefore label them as righteous indignation. So, in our own strength, we accuse.

The Pharisees accused Jesus of working on the Sabbath by healing someone. Was there truth to this? Yes. He healed someone on the Sabbath and this was against the Jewish rules and regulations, so they accused him. Were they wrong in accusing him? Years of experience with this particular passage tells us that the Pharisees were wrong and Jesus was right….of course Jesus was right. We know that they feared Jesus’ power and popularity. They also didn’t like him because he reflected their own sins back in their faces, for the entire world to see. We know this because it was written for us to know; to know their their hearts, attitudes and intentions. But it becomes much less black and white when we begin to apply this lesson in our own lives.

Consider this: There is someone at church who participates in one of the groups that you are involved in. There is a certain responsibility that each person has within this group, but there is one who does not fulfill their duties as they should, so you complain about their lack of dedication, or their failure in respect to fulfilling these duties. Is there truth to this accusation? Yes, otherwise you would not have brought it up, correct? But is it up to you to be their accuser? You may feel as though it is. Righteous indignation seeps in.

People must do their part within a group in order for it to run smoothly and perform as it was intended, this is true, but it is not our job to be the accuser. The bible tells us that Satan stands before the throne of God day and night accusing us. ACCUSING US! And there is Jesus, pleading our case, wiping clean our slates so that we can live eternally with Him in heaven.

Accusations. We all give them. Sometimes they are founded on truth and sometimes they aren’t. Sometimes it is our perception that skews our understanding, or our pride that gets in the way. Possibly anger or past hurts influence our thoughts, and therefore our hearts. But accusation belongs to Satan, not us. We do not know what is in the hearts of men and it is not for us to judge it. Satan will be judged in his time, and for all of the accusations that he leveled against us, and more.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” Matthew 7:1


We are not to be accusers; of God, ourselves, or others. That job is already taken and will be done in its own time. Don’t be quick to judge. Personally, I am hoping that God gives me every opportunity to amend my ways, and not judge me too quickly; otherwise I might be a pile of ashes today. Extend mercy as God extends mercy; even to yourself.

The spirit of accusation can be a very destructive force in our lives, sometimes so unrecognizable that we don’t even know that it is within us. It can manifest in many ways in our lives, here are some of the things to look for:

  • Offended easily

  • Critical or judgmental –this includes of yourself

  • Comparison or competition

  • Insecure

  • Perfectionist

  • Lack of trust

  • Lying

  • Gossip

  • Insecurity

  • Bitterness

  • Control or manipulation

Draw your line in the sand now and decide to banish this spirit. You have the power. We can all reject these spirits in Jesus name, and when we do – they have to flee! I particularly love this! When you recognize one of these things in your thoughts, you simply ask for forgiveness and tell it to leave in the name of the only Son of God, and it has to go!

Now, it is possible for it to come back and this is where action on your part is necessary. When you tell it to go, fill the space that it left in you with truth and righteousness of God’s word. Memorize a verse that will fill this space and keep the enemy at bay. Here are a few that you could start with:

“Whoever believes in him is not condemned” John 3:18

“Mercy and truth have met together; Righteousness and peace have kissed.” Psalm 85:10

“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;” Hebrews 12:14-15

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” Matthew 5:7

Had the righteous Pharisees extended mercy and grace, things might be a bit different today…and maybe not. I pray that they made their peace with God before the end, eternal separation from God seems like a pretty horrible eternity to me. Even Jesus in His last hours, through the pain and agony of his suffering, asked the Father for forgiveness for his accusers, “for they know not what they do”.

My Prayer:

Father, I pray that You give me the strength to banish the spirit of accusation within me and teach me to fill those spaces with Your truth and mercy. Thank you for the sacrifice of your Son Jesus, and I pray that I may remain steadfast till the coming of our Lord. In His great name I pray.

Reflect His Light!