Parenting is a challenge
Even when situations are positive or fun, there are no shortness of trials that resides within. A paradox of struggle.
But nothing is more disconcerting to a parent than when they have to stand back and watch the child they love self-destruct. Nothing brings us faster to our knees than the very real dread that comes when said child makes bad decisions, or turns from everything they were taught. We beg and plead for their safety and pray for a turning of some sort, back to the safety of the Father’s arms.
I once was so desperate that I prayed “Whatever it takes, Lord. Just please don’t let anything happen before he again belongs to you.”
Seems like a fair enough prayer. Ultimately we are concerned with their eternal being. But what happens when “whatever it takes” means near devastation in this life, in this time.
In this moment.
Last week I found myself wondering if my prayer, my desperate plea for help, was worth it. Here I was, again, sitting in a hospital waiting room wondering if my baby boy was ok. Not a baby any longer, but a grown man with a wife and a child on the way.
They had plagued him as a child. The medication left him with other issues that defied physical comfort for years. Eight years it had been, and now another episode. My heart cried for him. All I’ve ever wanted was for him to be happy and to have a fulfilling life. But this, this would challenge all of that.
The hardest part for him would be the inability to drive for six months after. He would have to rely on his wife, parents, friends and co-workers to get him where he needed to be. Not easy for an independent soul.
But is this reliance on someone other than yourself for a ride, the first step toward reliance on the Father for everything?
but I have to wonder if I brought this on with my prayer…my desperate plea for his life and safety.
Not quite what I had in mind for sure, but then is it ever?
God’s ways are not our ways.
Says so in the Bible itself.
Don’t we balk every time a prayer is answered in a way we did not expect? We ask for one thing and get another….but do we?
The gift of hindsight can help us to see the brilliance of all God’s steps, but how do we trust in THIS moment. How do we become thankful NOW…
No Matter What.
This is my constant struggle.
For now I’m just going to walk forward
Today I will just take that next step in being the support to him I was born to be.
…and trust that his Father in Heaven loves him more than I could ever possibly, and He will get him to where he needs to be….