I walk past the mirror in the normal process of my to-do’s. Each day. Happy as a clam, doing what I think I’m supposed to. My mom hat on, I plan dinner, clean floors, shop for groceries, then fiddle with my hair and clothes so that I will look just right when husband comes home.
Not a bad plan for the day. It is who I am after all. Wife, mother, maid, planner of life.
But this time as I walk in front of that mirror, I glance into it, and what I see there stops me with all the ferocity of a brick wall. There, in that mirror I pass each and every day, into which I’ve looked too many times to count, was a face looking back at me.
Hair neatly styled unlike the nest of unruly curls that most often covers my head.
Last time I checked I was a red-head… wasn’t that what had attracted the man; the one you have built your world around?
And I found her quite ugly.
She wasn’t of course, but my mind did not like what it saw. It was someone I didn’t recognize, couldn’t relate to, and didn’t want to be. I kept looking at her trying to figure out why it was there, and why I didn’t like her. She seemed together. Pretty in her own right. smiling and happy. but…
It wasn’t me.
Just a story? An allegory to get you to see who you really are? Sadly no. This was a dream that I had just four nights ago. And it left me disconcerted, confused, and not just a little bit upset.
Dreams, for me, mean something. At least the ones I remember do. About a year ago I read a book called “Dream Discoveries” by Barbara Koob. It woke me up to the clues and gentle ways that God speaks to me – when I am most at rest …and quite 😉
I tend to fill my days with the expectations of the world, and like a chameleon, blend to its colors. Getting my attention is hard unless you are one of the many who demand it. And our God, my God, isn’t that pushy.
So with a gentle nudge, He speaks to me in my dreams, showing me what is wrong, what is right, and most often these days – who I am and how I was made. And thanks to this newly acquired information, I am listening.
I won’t say that the process is easy. After all I am trying to dissect symbols, objects, real life relevants, and conversations that take place in a pretty obscure setting, then apply them to what I know of myself and God.
That is a very large task indeed!
But then again, it should be. If it were an easy process I fear I would never make it beneath the surface of the walls I’ve constructed. I would always see what I expect to, the things I see when I look in the mirror each day.
-__(fill in the blank)__
I wouldn’t, couldn’t, ever discover who I’m truly created to be: A treasured and loved heir of a creative, powerful, and generous King.
I think it is the struggle of discovery, the clawing at waves crashing over nostrils threatening to drown, that strengthens and forms buoyancy around, keeping head above waves, and heart open to receive.
It’s looking into soul mirror and saying I don’t like what I see, then asking for a new way to see.
It’s knowing that you don’t recognize what you should
Who am I
How did I become this …unknown
…and struggling to find the familiar that only your Spirit/God knows.
I suspect I will be unpacking this dream for some time, discovering its meaning for me and my life, making the changes I need to become who I truly am – someone I could love. Someone He already does.
Do you feel like you are having an identity crisis? Do you wonder why you are here, or what your purpose in this life could possibly be?
The enemy of your soul mirror wants you to believe that you are only as good as what you contribute to this broken world. That you are not you – only what others expect of you. And above all, that you are not really wearing that crown that is tipped so precariously off the side of your head, threatening to fall. But you are…and it’s not
Remember who you are
The soul you
Heir to the throne of eternity
Beloved child of the Most High
The rest He will make known in time….the perfect time.
And if in the end that is all I ever truly become – it is well with my soul.
Would you like to dive deeper into dreams and what God might be saying to you in them? Barbara Koob is an amazing dream warrior. Visit her at www.barbarakoob.com to learn to hope and dream with purpose, or you can also get her book here on Amazon.