Reality is, I want to be something more, something besides me. Everything that I do, including perusing the beautiful garden paths section of pinterest, creates visions and dreams in my mind of what I could be, what I could have, how I could change my reality into that of someone else’s, or simply altar my own into something palatable.
Creative minds work this way.
As a child I used to dream about who my family might be. I am the adopted child in a family of not adopted people. And while I loved them and did not consider them to be anything but my family, still in a small corner of my mind lived a question mark and a dream of who I might really be, what I could have been born into had my parents chosen that. My invisible friends were whole families that looked remarkably like sitcom families. Do you remember them? Imperfect: yet perfect in their imperfection. This is who I dreamt I was. Creative. Talented. Inspired. Together. It was what my soul longed for.
It wasn’t until much later in my life did I discover the truth of the matter. The truth that we are all broken people just doing what we can each day to get by. But if we are spiritual beings living a human experience (I heard that somewhere;) what would be the purpose of setting us here in this place to struggle and flounder. Wouldn’t there be a purpose to it all? We can’t be meant to live and die with naught in between but struggle and strife.
This thing we call life has to be more than we are making of it, doesn’t it?
And so defines the question in all of our minds: Why are we here?
Theories abound in an attempt to answer the age old question, but we have yet to come up with anything solid. Honestly, it depends on the day as to what my response to that would be. We are daughters and sons, wives and husbands, mothers and fathers. We are here to be friends to the friendless and comfort to the hurting. We are to disciple the lost and feed the hungry, but when I think about being all of these things, my mind simply can’t handle the pressure. It seems like so much to do, so much to take in that I just want to resign. I want to put my hands up in the air and shout a mighty “I give”. “You’ve got the wrong person, I’m not cut out for this.”
And it is true.
The expectations that we set upon ourselves are often so huge that it would be impossible to accomplish it all in ten lifetimes. But still we try. Well, some of us do. Others just admit defeat and figure the rest of their time here should be spent in self-gratification. I’m not sure which is worse, spinning the wheels of effort and losing, or treading the mill of “me” and winning.
This cannot be all there is. There has to be more to this thing called life.
But as I struggle with my self-imposed to-do list, I come back to the realization that I’m just a girl, and I’m not meant to do everything in my own strength. I can’t even.
And my surrender is complete.
The thing is, you ARE living a beautiful life. Nothing else is needed. You are living it right where you are…every day…in everything you do, and think, and say. None of this is a surprise to the Creator of the universe. He isn’t looking down at you and thinking – wow, I gave him/her that amazing idea, and what is he/she doing with it? What a waste
Instead I imagine that He is looking on you in love and saying instead: I knew this is what he/she would do today…and it is the perfect thing for where I want him/her to be….he/she couldn’t get to where I want them without this step….what a wonderful child I have!
You have to remember that this life is a big puzzle with lots of pieces that truly do fit together and that ultimately form a bigger picture. You might not have found your specific slot yet; one carved out just for you, with all the curves in just the right places, but everything that you do, and see, and experience from this day in this place, to when your time here is done, is part of that picture. Your life adds just what is needed to enhance it and make it what it was always meant to be.
This is all head and heart knowledge though. The tough part; the part that keeps those wheels spinning in several different directions, is the walking it out part. That is where things get difficult. But it isn’t meant to be. Jesus said that: His yoke is easy and the burden is light [matthew ll:30} and Jesus never spoke anything but truth. So why do we make it all so complicated?
For the next two days, we will explore this question, and seek to supply some practical steps to take to demystify this conundrum. Make sure to stop back tomorrow and Friday. This will be a thought provoking ending to the month.
Soli Deo Gloria!