With tears streaming down my face, I softly closed the guest bedroom door before throwing myself on the bed. How did this happen? This wasn’t the relationship I had dreamed of.
Yes, I actually cried my heart out to God for what seemed an eternity. Expectations in a relationship can often lead to disappointment, and this one sure wasn’t going as planned.
Everyone said there was no other relationship like it. The most fulfilling ever.
And now, I will humbly confess why the painful disappointment… Have you ever heard of a grand child that didn’t like her grandmother?
Visions of days gone by with my own maternal grandmother swirled in my head when first told about the grandbaby to be.
I. Couldn’t. Wait.
Couldn’t wait to be adored like that. To be loved so much.
Oh, the dreams. She would run and throw her arms around me. Nuzzle up to me, sit on my lap, and hug me to pieces. Be so excited when I came for a visit. Be devastated when I left. Recognize me because of FaceTime (that’s what all my “grandmother” friends said would happen). Then she would cry when we ended the conversation.
My granddaughter was born in Minneapolis, three weeks early and four weeks after my son and daughter-in-law moved there from Texas. After her birth, strategically planned visits were scheduled almost every month. We FaceTimed. They came for visits. She always appeared happy to see me. My dream was becoming reality.
Then came my most recent visit this past January. She actually ran from me. Didn’t even want me to be in the same room. Nothing I did made her happy. And everything she did made me feel insignificant. Unloved. Thus the tears, pity party and cries to God…
Oh, dear God! This isn’t what I expected! I so longed for this special relationship. For this little girl to adore me. To run to me. To sit on my lap as I lavish her with my love.
And in that quiet, dark guest room, when my flesh finally stopped crying out to God, I heard it. A soft, sweet whisper in my heart…
I know, Brenda, because that’s exactly what I want from you! For you to adore Me. Pursue Me again. Come sit on My lap and allow Me to lavish you with My love.
I felt like I had been shot with a Taser gun! To hear my own name, stunned me to a place of complete and total reverence.
During this visit, I was writing my post for February, and the song lyrics from “Hosanna,” break my heart for what breaks yours, were fresh on my mind. What an aha moment.
He was allowing my painful disappointment. So I would feel His.
For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. (Deut 4:24)
Bottom line, my granddaughter had become an idol.
God will not play seconds. That’s how much He loves us!
Jesus pursued me for over 40 years—meeting me on my own sinful turf and washing me clean—when I finally surrendered. Somehow that memory was pushed to the back burner as I pursued my granddaughter.
Traveling to Minneapolis for monthly visits, in pursuit of a relationship? What happened to visiting the Bible daily? That one unopened, right beside my bed!
Even though it was a whisper in my heart, the message was clear. I had sinned.
God commands we have no other gods before Him (Deut 5:7). I know that, but had willingly placed my granddaughter on the altar to worship. And for a season, neglected my One and Only.
The one relationship that is truly the most fulfilling.
Many people of the Bible were taken out for their disobedience to God’s word. Thankfully because of Jesus’ blood on the cross, we have forgiveness, grace and mercy.
When we are walking closely with Jesus, keeping our focus on Him, we can claim victory in all of our trials and battles (which includes relationships). We have all the armor we need. His love, truths and promises.
Have you allowed sin to come between you and the Lord?
Name that sin…Repent…Do not allow it to defeat you.