Where am I headed?

11709576_10153434399721323_5545635757164125657_nAre there times in your life where you feel like you are walking around in a fog?  You feel a push and pull, and you do not know what direction you are headed?  I often feel this way, and want so bad to make the right decision, and head in the right direction.

Over the past few years God has been refining me.   He has been refining my perspective through the good, the bad and the ugly.    At times I have felt the process a bit overwhelming.

I have been fortunate to be given a second chance at life, and when you have a near death experience the focus changes.   For others, it can be a life changing event such as losing a job or someone close to you that brings the focus so much clearer.     

My days are numbered, how I choose to spend the days makes all the difference.    This is what God is showing me through the moments.    He has also given me His hand, and asked that I trust Him in all that I do.    This often means pausing and discerning my next course of action, which does not come natural to me.   This also means softening my reaction, and sometimes not reacting until He can reveal a clearer path.   

My eyes are opened, and I have learnt so much, but still have so much to learn.   

In my past, I was a girl who built up walls, self-conscious at heart, strong-willed, liked to be in control in all things, and had a hard time at letting go or forgiving those people that hurt her so badly.   Many who have known me over the years may have not necessarily known that I was self –conscious at heart.   They saw everything else, and judged a book by the cover and  thought I was strong, confident… But inside – the voice would say that’s not good enough.  

I often ask myself where am I going God?  What do you want from me?  Where do you want me to be?  But what God really wants more for me – He wants me to slow down, smell the flowers and learn from Him.  Be Still my child, you have much learning to do first. 

There were a number of events that have occurred over the past years that have contributed to the growth I feel inside:

  • There is power in prayer; lifting up our worries and letting go of control makes all the difference.
  • He knows what we need, and He is in control. Sometimes He will allow for situations to happen in our life to bring about a bigger and brighter future.
  • We are beautifully made; the craftsmanship is beyond all understanding.
  • Validation in life does not come from external events, or people. If we look within, and let go of the validation, we can live a more fulfilling life.
  • What we believe should be done in a circumstance, is not necessarily the right way. While judgement is innate to our sense of being, we do have the power to sit back and just “be”.  Letting go of judgement removes the stress, worry and fear.
  • Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools we have in our toolbox. Forgiveness allows us to remove the shackles from our hearts.    The forgiveness is of self and others.    God always forgives and that is what He wants for us.
  • The more you try to control, the worse off a situation will get.
  • We only have so much time here on earth and how and who with we choose to spend it makes all the difference.
  • Trust – trust that God always has your best interests at heart. While there are circumstances that may not feel “good” there is always a greater plan.   Allow yourself to just “be” in these circumstances and trust in God’s grace and His master plan for you.

Sounds easy doesn’t it?   I am here to tell you it’s not for me.  I struggle with it daily.  There are moments where I need to remind myself of these things.  It doesn’t matter how many times I go through the learnings, there are always opportunities for me to learn them again in a different way.

Life, is amazing and crazy all at the same time.  But I am glad to say I am open to change, and open to learning every minute of the day. 

While I do not know where I am going, I am still learning to let go and let God lead.

In Psalm 90:12, Moses prays to God,

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

May you be blessed my friend,

Vanessa

http://www.nesschesters.wordpress.com

 

One response to “Where am I headed?

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