In Canada, we celebrate Thanksgiving on October 12th. Every year as I approach this wonderful fall weekend, I look back on the moments and am full of gratitude. We all have been through precious moments that have taken our breath away or experienced bliss or joy.
In all of the moments lately, I have been hearing God say, just BE.
Be willing to follow wherever I lead.
I am unsure of what the next step is, and being a planner like me, it is tough to give up control. He wants me to give up control, and reassures me that some of the most wondrous blessings are around the bend and have yet to come.
Just BE my child, walk by faith not by sight. Trust in ME.
This is a simple ask, and at times in my life has been hard to listen. What I have discovered, when I try to control an outcome, and choose not to trust, uneasiness sets in all around.
It wasn’t long ago, that He asked me to walk by faith. I remember it was just like yesterday, I was sitting in my front room, and my two beautiful gifts were sleeping. Earlier that day I found out that after being in a halo for 80 days to stabilize my spine, my C1 fracture (hangman’s fracture) did not fuse together. Worry and anxiousness set in, and I sat in disbelief and stared at my bible. The voice of fear crept in. Not knowing what the future held for me, tears fell down my face. What kind of mother would I be? What if I couldn’t participate in every day life the way I did before? Why did I make such a stupid decision that would change my life for ever? I hurt the people I loved, and this all was my payment.
The thoughts were of fiction, a story I was creating in my head. God wanted to restore me, refine me and bring forward the truth. I turned the page and John 10:10 was revealed. My thoughts were being stolen, and I did not trust the truth. God saved me for a reason. In that moment, I felt like I was being asked, “Do you Trust me? Do you trust that my acts are beyond all comprehension? Do you trust that I love you?”
Tears continued to flow, and I realized in that very moment – I was not stepping out in faith. I was given a second chance for a reason. I chose in that moment to trust completely and let go of the fear.
Four years later, I feel like I still have some work to do. There are moments where I get lost, and I still let my mind wonder into the “what if” scenarios. But He has reassured me, that He is miraculous and Promises me he is in control, and I am His miracle. I need to walk by faith and not sight when I feel anxious, or unsure.
Thank-you Father on this Thanksgiving for second chances, thank-you for allowing me to be here and present with the ones I love. I am thankful for the gifts you have given me in so many ways. On this Thanksgiving, I am so very grateful for my babies, their father and the love of family and friends. I am His miracle, in flesh, my fracture has never fused, but my life is better than it was before.
Dear Lord God, thank-you for loving me the way you do. Help me to walk by faith and not sight. When life gets messy, be the navigator; reassure me, and fill my mind with your voice. I know you are here with me always, and Trust you have my best interests at heart. I pray for this in Jesus Name Amen.
Be blessed, Ness
To learn more about my C1 fracture experience go to my personal blog on Being Fully Alive