I find many times I concentrate on the what ifs. If something good happens to me, I automatically think there is a catch. I know this sounds bad, but I can’t help myself. Do you have any thoughts or advice that would help with coping? I have prayed many times for help and for ease of my mind, but it is almost like it is ingrained.
Dearest Worry Wart,
As a young girl, I gravitated to a place of fiction, not fact. What do I mean by that? Much of my reactions were driven by my emotions. Much of my feelings were internalized, and I allowed others insecurities or reactions define who I was.
The voices were my truth. The voices defined who I was.
I believe that everything happens for good, and I see the silver lining in my life now. I am highly empathic, but that does not mean that I should “own” the feelings of others. The ownership belongs to the individual, and the control is in God’s hands.
I have also had some realizations or aha moments. These realizations may be helpful for you; in your life, work, or as a spouse, parent, or teen.
Is my response driven by Fact or Fiction?
Ask yourself if you are dealing with the facts in a situation, or is the response driven by emotion. If your response is driven by emotion, ask yourself if it is because of the other persons actions towards you? Or is your response revealing something about you? Perhaps they are coming from a different place, realize that their emotions are not for you to own. Stick to the facts of the situation, probe for an answer in an inquisitive way. If the response is revealing something about you, perhaps a fear, insecurity – get to the root and ask yourself is your response fact or fiction.
Another component of life in general is for us to choose to live in the present. Living in present allows us to experience every act, emotion, and situation fully. Concentrating on what is happening now, and taking it all in for what it is, removes emotional baggage from our lives. Every moment is not picture perfect, but the elements allow us to discover something about ourselves or others.
I have realized that I have lived a good portion of my life in past and future orientation. What does that mean?
It means that I look back on my past and say things like:
- If they would have not bullied me (victim mentality)
- If I would have done this differently (regrets – something we cannot change)
When we look backwards, it inhibits us to live in the now. See how we are creating a fiction story based on past orientation?
When we are looking forwards we say things like:
- If only in the future I have (regret of the present)
- When I do this I will be happy (not happy in the now)
- If I reach this milestone I will (looking forward for gratification)
Looking forward, does not allow us to be here and now. You are creating a fiction story again.
All we have control of is now, the rest is beyond our control. The past we cannot change, the future we have no control of. God is in control; he is the navigator of the ship. If you are struggling with this in your life ask Him to provide clarity and to help you navigate.
Are you living in the present? Are you navigating through life based on fact or fiction?
Pause now and reflect. Remember you DO have control of your response to every situation, and what you allow in and out.
Two verses that I believe complement this way of thinking are:
Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe.”
“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:2 (NIV)
Dear Lord God ,
Help us to sort through the fact and fiction. You are the truth, help us to lean not on our understanding. You tell us to be anxious in nothing at all, relieve our worry Lord God. Help us to be present. I pray for this in Jesus Name Amen.
May you be blessed, consider leaving a comment.