I thought I could hide.
Having endured several years of infertility treatments, I was at my wits end. It was just too painful to be around people with kids; and so, I chose to isolate myself. Yet, God had told me that He would give me a child.
Have you ever waited for something, holding on by a thin thread?
I knew I couldn’t make it happen. I knew I needed to trust God, but there were those days when it seemed like the enemy bombarded my mind with carnage. All I could do was stand with hope in Him.
Miraculously I did conceive, but now to get through the pregnancy. If the truth be told, I was so wounded that I couldn’t bear to hear any more tales about what could go wrong, how hard labor was, and the many sleepless nights that would await me afterward. No doubt, a part of me was still walking in fear.
While I continued on my people-less path, God saw me hiding and was already at work, preparing something good.
One Sunday my church advertised that they were looking for some folks to pray. I thought maybe I could just pray at home. Reluctantly, I added my name to their list, but lo and behold… I learned that I had just signed up for a women’s prayer meeting.
After 3 IUI treatments, 1 miscarriage, and 4 IVF procedures, I didn’t want to be around petty women who were going to tell me their horror stories about giving birth. And I definitely didn’t want to go to a women’s prayer meeting!
So God and I had a come to Jesus meeting.
“God, You know that I don’t want to be with anyone right now.”
“No one could possibly comprehend what I’ve been through.”
“Really God, I am different from all those other women.”
“And God; these are women, and you know what they are like.”
“I can’t bear to hear their horror stories about giving birth, especially when I am so close to my due date.”
In my ninth month of pregnancy, God prodded me to get in the car.
I drove to the lady’s home where the meeting was to take place.
I glued myself to the seat with anxiety.
He gently whispered, “Barb, step out of the car and go in.”
Apprehensive of what awaited me, and fearful to reveal my big belly, I obeyed. Remarkably, it was the best thing that I could have ever imagined, but I had step out and believe.
I had to allow His promise to be conceived in my heart, to carry His seed of faith throughout the pregancy, and to give birth to His purpose… even when I wasn’t sure it would happen and when it wasn’t comfortable.
And He was faithful to His Word! Two weeks later, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. For God had planned for those ladies to welcome me and my child into a loving community. This was the beginning of my prayer and healing journey.
Do you know that you are blessed when you believe in His promises? I know sometimes it can be difficult, but God sees you too, and He does have a good plan.
Surely you are blessed when you believe Him! Feel free to leave me a comment; I am glad to pray with you today.